yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
