would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
