its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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