she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
