I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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