Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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