Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
