Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
