Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
