boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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