Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
