a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
look no pants
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
