You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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