I'm so fucking centered right now
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
either way he was missing a nipple.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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