Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Found your dick twin last night
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
