i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
