I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
