Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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