Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
