took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Michael Bay diarrhea
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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