Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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