I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
