She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize