who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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