The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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