Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
