i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
