actually, I'm a sock model
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
