The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
