When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
