He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
