she was so not down for the gang bang
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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