I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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