spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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