You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
