I think my vagina is haunted
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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