1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
