I wish I only lived at night.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dear god my vagina.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
