she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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