Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
