I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize