He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
