Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
