they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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