she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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