the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
