Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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