You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize