he looks like a really good dad on facebook
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
