I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
