CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
