I need help removing her.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
