I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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