the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
