i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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