He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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