guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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