Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
