i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
