I'm lost and stupid without you.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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