I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
