I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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