So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
