yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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