my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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