she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
