I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
