i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
